Key Issues for Parents

But parenting isn’t easy. In addition to the personal challenges each father and mother faces in raising a child, there are societal conditions that make parenting a real challenge for most of us. The institutions that serve us and our children—schools, medical systems, justice systems, towns and cities—are not meeting the needs of all parents and children. In most countries, the needs of parents for information, support, and respite go without adequate recognition or response. Parenting by Connection offers strategies and tools that help parents build person-to-person support within their circle of family and friends. With support, parents can successfully address the issues vital to them in leading their families well.

The issues parents have in common are these:

• The important work of parents is not recognized as work.
  Economically, parenting occupies almost the same niche as a hobby. Parents have financial obligations and round-the-clock responsibility for nurturing their children. No allowance is made for the time and security that parents need to nurture their children personally and well.
  
  
• The lack of support for parents almost guarantees that parents will experience the following roadblocks to the enjoyment of motherhood and fatherhood.
  
  

  Isolation
  Parenting is done largely without preparation, someone to learn from, or resource to call upon when the work becomes overwhelming. The myth that a parent "ought to be able to handle it all" creates inevitable failures which parents are ashamed to talk about, increasing their isolation from possible assistance.

  Guilt
  Parenting is done without the benefit of the perspective that much of parenting needs to be learned. When parents' learning tasks become difficult, they feel they have personally failed. These feelings of guilt interfere with learning, and prevent parents from noticing their successes and enjoying their children.

  Confusion
  Parents labor without enough information about the needs of young children, and receive much conflicting casual advice. Along with good information, they need ample support, for they are often working to break new ground by offering more respect and closeness to their children than they remember receiving when they were young.

  Poverty of Time
  In order to keep a family fed and housed, parents often must sacrifice time spent with their family for time spent at paid work. The hurry, separation, sadness and stress common in family life keeps parents and children from appreciating one another and enjoying relaxed times together.
  
  Exhaustion
  Parents have 24-hour responsibilities. When they become exhausted, they lose the ability to make fresh decisions, relate well to others, and to rest. The exhaustion parents feel traps them and their families in repeated difficulties that do not resolve until the exhaustion is addressed.
  
  

• Poverty and racism undermine the well-being of every parent and child.
  The lives of parents and young children lack basic protections against the damage that poverty and racism inflict. We see the effects of this systematic neglect in every city and town. Not every family is personally targeted, but the fabric of our communities is frayed by these conditions, and the vigor of our children's generation is deeply compromised.

Parenting by Connection addresses these issues in a simple but highly effective way. We show parents how they can work together, in pairs or small groups, offering respect and a willingness to listen to each other. In listening, parents give each other the chance to think, to evaluate their experience, and to set goals for themselves and their families.

In this atmosphere of respect, parents talk about their successes and the problems they long to resolve. The intelligence of each parent is appreciated, and no advice is given. As people get to know one another better, it becomes possible for parents to more fully express their feelings and release emotional stress. The listening skills they gain can be used to solve problems that had previously seemed unmanageable. Over time, parents who use Listening Tools become strong leaders and adept problem solvers. We proudly offer these simple and effective Listening Tools as dependable antidotes to parental isolation, confusion, guilt, and exhaustion.

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