Adolescent life in our society is far from easy. We wonder why our children act so distant, seem so moody, and have trouble concentrating on the tasks before them. We wonder why they now stay at such a distance from us. We are often desperate for ways to build more trust and closeness into our
In Potty Training Experience: Playlistening, we explored the healing role that laughter can play when a child has unworkable fears. The mother who wrote in had a three-and-a-half year old daughter who was absolutely terrified of using the toilet. Our two-part remedy for those fears was to first get laughter going around toileting, which, as
Your child will have big feelings when a special holiday or birthday comes up. It’s one child-rearing phenomena you can set your clock by. But it may help to know that every other family deals with the same phenomenon you do. Children are built to have big feelings on big occasions. Why? When any holiday
“Hi, Mallory. How was school today?” “OK.”“What did you do?”“Oh, I dunno.”“Who did you hang with?”“Same kids as yesterday.”“Oh.”Exit to room, to a screen, or to a bowl of cereal. We’re so glad to see our children after a long day. But our efforts to connect can fall flat. And when that happens, it’s hard
In many Western cultures, there’s a longstanding history of permission to spank children. Many of our parents spanked. And most of us hold the perspective that our parents were doing their very best to love us. So whether to spank children or not is a confusing issue—if we turned out OK, and our parents spanked
Children thrive on connection with their parents. Their need for a sense of connection is strong and constant through childhood. It is this sense of safety and connection that allows children to learn at a great rate, to experiment and play so fully, to enjoy themselves and others without reservation, and to trust in the
Q. It seems to me that children aren’t playing with each other the way they used to. Sometimes, it looks to me like they hardly play with each other at all–they act out imaginary scripts, and they’re each in their own little worlds, next to each other. What can I do to get them really
It’s probably safe to say that nearly every parent is time-poor. We need time to connect well with each child, time to tend relationships with our partners and our wider families, time to tend our households, time to sleep and eat, time to learn new things, and time to relax. And time has been taken
Odd as it may seem, a child hitting means that child is afraid. To help them stop hitting, it’s helpful to understand that the fears that cause trouble for a child who hits usually have their roots in some frightening experience earlier in life, even though they may not seem frightened at all. To manage
Every child bumps around and gets hurt. Children’s intelligence and competence can’t build any other way. They have to take chances. They have to bump into circumstances they didn’t anticipate. They have to misjudge many times, before their judgment is honed. So our children get bumped, cut, bruised, and stung. It’s painful for parents, too, when
Q. We were at a school picnic when some of the children began teasing my child. They called him a “baby!” and basically treated him like he wasn’t worthy of their attention. It was horrifying and really upset me. What should a parent do? I’m sorry this happened to your child. It’s unfair, heartbreaking, and
The day that changed my life didn’t start out promisingly at all. My almost three-year-old son had pinkeye in both eyes. His eyes were really gunky, and he didn’t feel well. I managed to gather up his little brother and bundle us all off to the pediatrician. It was a short visit. He prescribed eye
“Silly question!” you might exclaim. “Of course children manipulate their parents! My children do it all the time, and it drives me crazy!” We tend to call it manipulation when a child looks at us, and then proceeds to do something they know is off limits, like dump planter dirt on the carpet, or throw
Each child comes into the world with a different set of potential characteristics. As parents, our challenge is to find ways to work with, and celebrate, the people our children are. Some children are slow to warm to others. To help your child deal with shyness, he first needs you to lovingly accept and validate
Q. Potty training has been a huge issue for our three-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She tells us when she has to go, wants privacy and is uncomfortable in dirty diapers. And she is TERRIFIED of going on the toilet. About six months ago, we told our daughter we had no more diapers and stuck with that story
Joining a new playgroup or setting one up? Think about what policies you’d like to set for handling inevitable issues. Having parents agree on these strategies alleviates tension and creates consistency for each child. It’s hard to make good decisions when feelings are high, and we parents tend to blame each other for our children’s “off
Our parents, for the most part, didn’t listen to us while we were having passionate feelings. This had never been modeled for them. We, in turn, are sometimes at a loss as to what to say. We might manage not to interrupt our children’s intense feelings for awhile, but don’t have an easy time figuring
Children love their Daddies! Your children love to hear your voice, to see you come in the door, to sit next to you at the table, and to play with you as long as you can possibly play. One father I know told me that his fifteen-month-old climbed up on his and his wife’s bed