I’ve been feeling quite disconnected from my partner recently and when this happens I seem to get really cross and resentful towards him for the smallest thing.
Every day I say to myself, I’ll give him some special time tonight, that will help. However when it comes to it and my daughter is asleep in bed I find an excuse in my head like I’m too tired or I need some ‘me’ time. I never even get around to communicating with my partner that I’d like to give him some special time.
I’ve been doing some listening time around it and finally on Friday evening whilst my partner was out at a music night, I wrote a love letter to him and left it on his pillow promising him special time the very next evening. I knew once I’d done this and it was out there with him I wouldn’t back out.
The next evening when my daughter was asleep, I reminded him that we were going to do special time. We hadn’t done it for ages and neither of us were very forth coming about what we wanted to do. So I said that I would have mine first. I set the timer for 15 minutes and told him that I wanted us to take it in turns to tell each other what we love about each other. We began and within about two minutes the love came rushing back. After a while I told him I wanted us to tell each other what we loved about each other when we met nearly ten years ago. The result? Even more love!
By the time we had finished the 15 minutes I felt the same amount of love for him that I’d felt when we’d first fallen in love. It was really that simple. That was on Saturday, five days ago and I haven’t felt cross with him once since then.
I know it’s this simple so why oh why do I resist doing it? Why do I tell myself I’m too tired or I don’t feel like it. Why is it easier sometimes to feel cross with someone rather than feel love? Maybe it was the role models I had when I was growing up. I don’t ever remember my Mum and Dad holding hands or kissing or being affectionate with each other. I remember lots of arguing though.
I’m determined for my daughter to see love and affection between her parents and that’s why I’m committing to doing special time with her Dad at least once every week.
As I said this year is our tenth anniversary of being together, the longest relationship I’ve ever had and I’m realizing that if I want it to continue which I do, I need to put some effort in to keep our love alive.
Stephanie Parker is a Hand in Hand instructor in the UK. She is the mother of a daughter and lives in Gloucestershire.
If you want to know more about Special time, you can see our free video series here.