Although we parents might feel like we spend every moment with a new baby, our days are also filled with the work it takes to run a family. There is laundry to be done, meals to prepare, diapers to change, showers to slip into when we have a moment, and errands to run when we can. And so we get busy around our babies. Even when we’re with our babies hour after hour, sometimes 3:00 p.m. rolls around and we haven’t actually connected with them yet.
What’s one solution? Special Time!
During Special Time you can set aside a small chunk of time to be with your baby without any other distractions. It’s a time you can show your baby how happy you are that they are here. It gives you time to get to know who they are. For little ones who have had a rough entry into the world, it can be an important source of connection and healing. And Special Time can enhance the development of a baby’s growing brain.
In the first few years of life a baby’s brain is busy building a complex wiring system. Recent advances in brain research have shown that an infant’s environment has a dramatic affect on brain development, or how well their brain wires, resulting in how well they think and learn—even into adulthood.
A baby’s surroundings can actually enhance the number of electrical connections that are formed in their brain. A loving connection with a baby, including responsive attention, affection, eye contact, and warm, gentle communication is a great way to encourage the formation of brain circuitry in a baby. That’s where Special Time comes in!
In Special Time, you put away the phone, set aside any chores that need to be done, and make sure that siblings are cared for so there aren’t any interruptions. What does Special Time with a baby look like? Here are seven steps to follow as you do Special Time with your baby:
#1. Before you start, make sure your baby is fed, changed, and awake. In other words, make sure their physical needs are met before you begin.
#2. Set a timer, if you’d like, for five, ten, or fifteen minutes. This can help you stay focused.
#3. Then, hold your baby close or prop them against your knees.
#4. Catch their gaze and let them know you’re all theirs and you won’t be distracted.
#5. Make eye contact and notice what they do—the sounds they make, where they look, and how they move their body.
#6. Here are a few suggestions of what to say during this time together:
“I’m so glad to be with you.”
“Welcome! You made it.”
“I’m all yours.”
“I have ten minutes just for you.”
#7. As you talk to your baby in a warm, soft, tone notice how they respond. Have a “conversation” with them, a conversation in which you talk a little and listen a lot.
Babies have literal thoughts that they want to express. Sometimes your baby will “talk” to you with their sounds, smiles, and expressions. Listen closely, with warmth and admiration. If your little one looks away, move gently to meet their gaze again, and remind them that you are there. If they start to cry, though you’ve just fed and changed them, and you think you’ve met their physical needs, listen to their upset. They might be telling you about a difficult birth, relieving stress about a tense conversation they overheard, or healing from the disconnection they felt when you were on the phone or stepped away for a while.
If they are experiencing gas pain or other physical discomfort, you might change their position a bit, but continue to listen to them, so they are not alone while they work things through. You can gently remind them that you are there and you’ll be with them while things feel hard.
Special Time will help you to attune to your baby’s mind and emotions; you’ll become familiar with their signals and have the chance to respond in a warm, unhurried, and caring way. It’s this back and forth communication, also known as contingent communication, that shapes the architecture of a child’s brain. And this is how your baby receives your caring. You pour your attention in, and if they can’t incorporate it fully, they’ll cry away the tension until your love falls into its rightful place inside them.
When you carve out a few minutes each day for Special Time with your baby, you’re taking an important opportunity to stimulate your baby’s brain, heal the hurts that may have settled in, and connect in a wonderful way.
Julie Johnson, is a been-there-experienced-that mom, a Certified Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor and a researcher with 20 years of experience. She is also a teacher with a master’s degree in education. Connect with Julie and find out more about her upcoming Mom and Baby groups.
From the Hand in Hand Toolbox
Special Time is one of Hand in Hand’s five Listening Tools. You can learn more about the others in this free guide: 5 Revolutionary Ideas That Make Parenting Less Stressful
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