The feelings your child has about being away from you can show up as tears, or as hard-to-handle behaviors. But these feelings of separation anxiety are normal, and ebb and flow as your child grows—even well into the teens! And truth be told, sometimes we parents have to admit that we are struggling with big
Are you tired of losing it with your kids? Do you wish you were a more patient parent? You can be. In this video, Patty introduces a unique parenting Tool you can use to create space for yourself, and your kids, so that you can lead your family with calm, confidence and joy. This powerful
What happens to you when your child cries? Do you rush in to find out what’s wrong? Do you try to shush the cry, and tell your child it’ll be all better soon? Do you attempt to distract your child with toys or making them laugh? Does your heart sink because crying seems to jangle
You’ve learned about Special Time in a Foundations Course or in a talk, or from our web site. You’ve heard of other parents who’ve had an amazing outcome using Special Time. You are home with your little one and are excited to try it and keen to see the results. However, nothing has prepared you
Special Time is a way to play with your kids may look like regular play but is vastly different. Join Patty for the second talk in her series on Special Time. From the Hand in Hand Toolbox Your free Special Time booklet And Special Time checklist Learn about Hand in Hand’s Five Revolutionary Ideas to
If your child’s behavior leaves you frustrated and feeling out of control and things feel really hard, you’ve come to the right place. If you are stuck with how to stop your child hitting or acting aggressively, continually whining or wanting to cling to you all day, you’ve come to the right place. If you
Humor is an uplifting strategy to use in setting limits if your child isn’t too upset. Kids love nothing better than a good laugh, and using humor to pry them out of their behavioral ruts can lift your whole family’s spirits. For example, as you physically herd your preteen out of the bathroom, you could
A guest post by Irina Nichifiriuc Read this post in Romanian In our house, I faced a series of “battles” and obstacles every night as the day wore on towards bedtime. With three children, I found that the task of getting them to sleep was getting longer and more difficult as I faced more and
Children and families experience separations frequently. Whether for daily daycare drop-offs, divorce, adoption, foster care, a death in the family, immigration, detention, or other situations, these separations can be hard and even traumatic for everyone in the family. Please join Certified Instructors Pam Oatis and Shelley Macy to learn gentle, deeply effective Tools for helping families
By Roma Norriss I remember being frightened at night as a child, calling out to my parents or being too afraid to call out. I would lie frozen in my bed watching shadows in the darkness. And I remember the few times I slept blissfully cocooned between them both. When I had my own kids,
A Guest Post by Stephanie Parker My daughter is about to turn nine and I’ve been thinking recently that I’d like her to do more around the house. I haven’t spent enough time making this happen in the past, I’ve taken shortcuts by just doing things myself because it’s ‘quicker’. So this morning I’d washed
Many children go through phases where they resist sleep, either in the day, at night or both! “How can I get my child to nap?” This question came to us from a parent recently. The mom’s child refused to take naps because she could tell it was daytime. Good Mama, here are three ideas: Three Gentle
Join Certified Instructors Sandra Flear and Robin Setchko for this podcast for parents and professionals. They discuss what interpersonal neurobiology is teaching us about how early memories are formed, and how parenting can trigger the feelings attached to difficult early experiences in parents. They also discussed how these experiences are repaired, and how listening partnerships
Early one morning, my seven-year-old daughter began to be aggressive with her younger brother. She insisted that he play with her—and on her terms. He did his best to tell her no, but he wasn’t getting through. The situation was escalating quickly. I decided to invite my daughter for five minutes of Special Time, as
We work hard to help our children heal from separation anxiety. Lately I’ve been the one experiencing separation anxiety. After using the Hand In Hand Tools many times to help my now 8-year-old daughter heal from her own separation fears, she hardly ever experiences it any more. And that’s part of my issue! Now that
We leave the children happily playing while we go stir a pot on the stove, and two minutes later they are busting into the kitchen, screaming and pointing fingers! We’ve all been there. Sibling rivalry comes with the territory when you have more than one child, and even the most harmonious siblings grate on one another
In this free parenting call replay, with Hand in Hand Instructors Julie Johnson and Laura Minnigerode, you’ll learn how to prepare for the birth of a child (whether it’s the first time or a sibling), how to maintain your connection with your other children when the new baby comes along, and how to create a community of support around you as your family grows. They also explore what happens for fathers after a baby is born and how they can maintain a strong connection with their child.
On Special Time Go figure! Kids love attention. And they love parent’s attention better than most. That’s probably because giving them regular undivided attention can be really beneficial for them. Feeling Connected Means Feeling Better When a parent pours in their attention a child feels really seen. Even if they haven’t been openly signalling, through
Listen to Hand in Hand instructors Georgie Bancroft and Lyra L’Estrange in this past free parenting call on sibling rivalry. They will give you some fresh ideas on how to bring more harmony into sibling relationships using the Hand in Hand listening tools.
A Guest Post By Lisa Tripp My six-month-old son, has had some challenges falling asleep for naps for several months, but the challenges have gotten easier and sleep has gotten more flexible for him as we’ve been using Staylistening. You can find out more about how listening to children cry and how Staylistening works
Our children can pick really inconvenient times to melt down; they throw themselves on the floor in a flood of tears and refuse to go anywhere! They frustrate us when we are trying to get out the door, embarrass us in the grocery store, or suddenly make things awkward at Grandma’s house. Rarely do we
Certified Hand in Hand Parenting Instructors, Heidi Russell and Kathy Gordon, will help you learn a simple, 3-step approach to Setting Limits. Now you can create more connection, cooperation and fun in your family. Want to learn even more about using the Hand in Hand Parenting Tools at your house? Our online video class,
A friend and I were spending our vacation together. Between us we had five children aged from three to six years old. It was their first time meeting. A few times I had perceived a little upset from my son, Lucas. One night, he had not wanted me to leave the room before he fell asleep, and
My kids were with their grandparents and I was spending time with my husband. We were relaxed and talking and everything felt perfect until he mentioned the upcoming marriage of someone that is close to us. At some point I heard him say that if he were that age again he would probably not choose
“Play with me?” That one question is asked at least 100 times a day in most houses, by kids to their parents. Time and time again we hear that play improves connections. Greys Anatomy-creator (and former workaholic) Shonda Rhimes did a whole Ted Talk on how play impacted her life as a parent. Larry Cohen has two
Often, our children find reason to be beside themselves with upset. These are rough times for them, and trying times for us as parents, too. We are taught to hush, shush, distract, rock, jiggle, joke, or, when we hit that low point on the patience meter, to scold or punish. But there’s a new and elegant
Sleep is one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent. When we become parents, we may notice that our newborns often fall asleep relatively easily, often in the middle of feeding or right afterwards, but as time goes on things can get harder. That’s the point where we start doing things to help
By Andrea McCracken My daughter was 7, nearly 8, and developing more concerns about the world. At bedtime, she would lay quietly and think about the mysteries of illnesses, aliens and other potentially scary things. They must have churned around her head because she would come out of bed to talk to me about it, asking
In the middle of preparing for a talk on Separation Anxiety with my fellow Hand in Hand Instructor, Anca Deaconu, my children decided to give me the perfect opportunity to practice what I preach. It started with beginning of the school year at kindergarten. This fall, my youngest one, Eva, started kindergarten. She had accompanied
Even when we bring our best selves, by not shouting, bribing or threatening children when we try and tell them no, setting limits, and having them listened to, still often feels like an uphill struggle. But there’s a simple way to reach children who are acting off-track. Use touch over words. When children are acting irrationally,
When I started using Special Time with my children they just fell in love with it. Special Time is a Hand in Hand Tool that works like this: You set aside a certain amount of time, say 10 – 15 minutes, and offer to play or do whatever your child likes. During this time
What is Hand in Hand Parenting?: Day 8 In the last of our series of Listen Launch Posts, Patty Wipfler talks about how children’s deep down fears can erupt in patterns of aggression and how releasing those fears comes through a loving and supportive presence. Unlocking Secret Fears Fear underlies many of our children’s persistent struggles.
What is Hand in Hand Parenting?: Day 6 You’ve seen your children release their feelings of hurt and tension. They’re naturals! The minute something challenging happens, they dive right in to expel the tension. With a Listening Partnership, it’s your turn. So, What is a Listening Partnership? Listening Partnerships are simple to do. You choose someone
By Shaheen Merali and Kate Orson Sibling rivalry is an inevitable challenge of raising more than one child. No matter what the age difference or personalities of the children, sooner or later, every child with siblings gets upset with their brother or sister. But don’t fret and think this is a sign of how it
Join Certified Instructors Kathy Gordon and Summer Sheldon for a discussion on what causes children to lash out and how we can help them stop. You’ll learn how to avoid triggering situations and what to do in the moment so you can stay calm and reach for your scared, angry child. For more tips on
You may have dreamed that co-sleeping would be cozy but then found yourself tossing and turning, or you may have dreaded it and still ended up with tiny toes tickling your nostrils each morning. If having children in bed with you isn’t working out, for whatever reason, you might have to help your child through
Contrary to popular belief we should actually wind our children up before sleep! Roughhousing, and lots of giggles, can help children release any stress or remaining tension from the day. It also helps to build the connection that children need to feel safe to separate from us and fall asleep.
Aggression is common in toddlers, but that doesn’t mean it’s inevitable. The Hand in Hand approach is based on the fact that all children are naturally, good, loving and co-operative. Sometimes hurt feelings overwhelm their limbic system – the emotional part of the brain, and when this happens, their pre-frontal cortex – the part of
By Kate Orson When it’s time to say goodbye to our child we may often hear the advice that it’s best to rush off even if they’re crying. Later we may be reassured by their caregiver that they stopped crying as soon as we left and were fine. However we may be worried that our
Ever feel like life would be so much easier if you could just get your child to listen? Are you frustrated by seeing the same difficult behavior over and over again? Listen to this free parenting call with Certified Hand in Hand Instructor Kathy Gordon as she shares thoughtful insight and practical tools to help
Your kiddos don’t want to fight with each other or constantly feel like things are unfair. At their core, siblings want to be friends and get along. But here’s the catch — they need your help to do so. In this video, Patty describes a 5-point approach to supporting cooperative and harmonious sibling relationships. Once
I let her know that I would be leaving soon, and then she frantically reached her arms out — a gesture for me to hold her. I took her in my arms, and said, softly, “Honey, I am going to have to go.”
Two days after my son was born, his five-year old sister carefully and quietly carried his bouncy chair to a room in the back of the house that wasn’t used much. When I walked back into the living room and found him gone, she said, “He has gone to the baby dungeon, and that’s where
a guest post from Stephanie Parker When my daughter was three she started pinching and biting me. I was pretty shocked as she’d never done anything like that before. I tried setting a limit and and getting her to stop but it wasn’t working long term. She continued to do it and I wasn’t always
Use this Special Time Checklist to make the most of your time with your child. You will build connection and give your child confidence to learn and grow and enjoy healthy lifelong relationships.
I have thought a lot about what words I say to my two children when they are pushing boundaries and I need to set a limit. I have found the phrase, “I can’t let you do that” to be so helpful. Of course, physically stepping in to be close, and my body language, is just
What parent hasn’t wished she could clone herself into an army of expert cuddlers, caregivers, lap holders, child carriers, diaper changers, housekeepers and taskmasters? How many times can we say, “There is only one of me”? We want to love, nurture and connect with our children, while at the same time supporting their healthy development, and also managing our responsibilities of putting the groceries away, cooking dinner, living in an organized house, maintaining relationships with the neighbors, driving the kids around… the list goes on. How can there ever be enough of us to go around?
Q. Do you have any tips on helping 2-year-old twins who tantrum at the same time and very, very often? Most of the time I’m the only one there to listen and it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough! A. It sounds like you’ve got a challenging situation on your hands! I’m glad you’ve asked
When we decide to bring a second child home, we long for those siblings to be good friends. Or we at least hope to avoid siblings fighting all the time so we can get some quiet moments to ourselves. But inevitable tiffs, clashes, and explosions interrupt that dream we had for our children to play
I remember vividly the day I stopped a half-second short of slamming my two-year-old into the wall. He had just hurt the baby, and not for the first time. I was livid. I was almost out of control. And after I caught myself, I was scared. Very scared. I’m not sure I would have said, that
Q. “My five-year-old can’t seem to stay dry at night. We’ve tried and tried, and nothing I do seems to work. They feel bad when they wet the bed, I try not to bother them about it, but I am very tired of the work it takes to deal with this. I get cranky, and
Children thrive on connection with their parents. Their need for a sense of connection is strong and constant through childhood. It is this sense of safety and connection that allows children to learn at a great rate, to experiment and play so fully, to enjoy themselves and others without reservation, and to trust in the
Odd as it may seem, a child hitting means that child is afraid. To help them stop hitting, it’s helpful to understand that the fears that cause trouble for a child who hits usually have their roots in some frightening experience earlier in life, even though they may not seem frightened at all. To manage
Q. We were at a school picnic when some of the children began teasing my child. They called him a “baby!” and basically treated him like he wasn’t worthy of their attention. It was horrifying and really upset me. What should a parent do? I’m sorry this happened to your child. It’s unfair, heartbreaking, and
The day that changed my life didn’t start out promisingly at all. My almost three-year-old son had pinkeye in both eyes. His eyes were really gunky, and he didn’t feel well. I managed to gather up his little brother and bundle us all off to the pediatrician. It was a short visit. He prescribed eye
Our parents, for the most part, didn’t listen to us while we were having passionate feelings. This had never been modeled for them. We, in turn, are sometimes at a loss as to what to say. We might manage not to interrupt our children’s intense feelings for awhile, but don’t have an easy time figuring
Sooner or later in our lives as parents, we find ourselves locked in a power struggle with our child. It can happen over being fed with a spoon when a baby is just a year old. It can happen over getting dressed in the morning, over brushing teeth, and over going to bed. Our children, like
Children function best when they feel connected to someone who cares about them. You can build connection with your child through play, laughter, roughhousing, cuddling, and warm, enthusiastic attention. Stresses of all kinds, loneliness, isolation, and criticism erase a child’s sense of connection, and make it harder for a child to love and learn. Play
When I child screams, “I hate you!” responding with your own anger will only inflame an already charged situation. Here are some idea of what would be a nurturing response, in addition to what not to do.
Toddlers don’t decide to bite. They are generous beings at heart, and they don’t want to hurt anyone. A toddler bites because a big wave of tension has suddenly flooded his brain. He doesn’t plan this, and he doesn’t know how to stop it. Toddlers’ biting is like a sneeze or a cough—his body does it for internal reasons that aren’t under his control.
Biting! Hitting! Pulling hair! Has your child ever lashed out and hurt someone? Has another aggressive child ever bothered him? If your answer is yes, join the crowd! Almost all of us struggle with understanding and helping our children when they hurt others, and when they are hurt by other children. It’s a shock to
Many families face the challenge of divorce or separation. Whatever the causes of the separation, and whatever the circumstances, it’s hard on everyone involved. Parents want the best for their children. They want stable, loving relationships in their lives. And they want their children to thrive. Yet big changes must be made. There are many
When children want something, their feelings are often passionate. They can be gripped by a desire so strong that no other option will do. Every cell in their bodies is organized to communicate that having the blue shovel or the green balloon is the key to their happiness—a yellow shovel or a red balloon simply won’t do. But as any parent who has tried to enforce sharing knows, taking turns at those moments is far easier said than done.
Our children’s squabbles restimulate lots of old feelings in us, so that it’s often hard for us to intervene without causing more hurt. We need listening time to help us work through our frustrations and our fears about their upsets they have. We need a chance to release the feelings that rise in us when the fighting starts.
All of us experienced nightmares at some point in our childhood. Usually, nightmares are an occasional thing. And they need a parent to be close to them, to hold them, and to keep them safe while they get rid of those awful fears.
Many of us sleep with our infants and children. We sleep with them because they love being close to us, and we (at least sometimes) also enjoy this closeness. Some of us sleep with our children, hoping it will bring us a better night’s sleep. But at some point, the difficulties of sleeping together can
Healthy families in many cultures allow children to sleep with parents, and if that works for your family, great. But, if your sleep schedule doesn’t line up well with your child’s, or if the good effects of sleeping close together are negated because no one sleeps well in that arrangement at your house, you do have other options.
Punishment, criticism, or time out will just intensify the distance between you and your child. Children’s minds don’t abide emotional distance. They are built for a sense of warm connection. It’s the sense of distance (not just the behavior that signals the distance) that’s the underlying problem. Here’s how you can bridge it.
Parents can set limits on our children’s behavior in order to help them relieve the stress they are under, and regain their innate good judgment and joy in cooperation. Setting limits with Young Children takes a bit of practice. When you think your child is being unreasonable, here are the steps to follow.
My habit had been to lay down with my five-year-old daughter at bedtime until she was asleep, which often took half an hour or more. She would fall asleep fairly easily when others put her to bed, reading books with the light on until she fell asleep. I was ready to make a shift in
That would be like my husband telling me, “I have no intention of loving all of you. I only want to see the parts that work for me.”
Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand En tant que parents, nous ne voulons rien de plus que d’aider nos enfants à se sentir aimés et choyés. Lorsqu’ils sont contrariés, chaque cellule de notre corps s’efforce de les aider à se sentir mieux. Nous souhaitons ardemment que la
We cannot begin to imagine how overwhelming and heartbreaking this time must be for you and your family. Experiencing such a loss impacts every part of life, and trying to parent through it can feel like an impossible task. In the midst of this chaos, your presence with your children is a powerful anchor for
Separation anxiety can pose a significant challenge in early childhood settings. Whether you’re an educator, caregiver, or childcare professional, it’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed as you navigate this emotional hurdle. At Hand in Hand, we believe connection is the foundation for overcoming these moments—not just for children, but for the adults supporting them. Children
Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand Les grands-parents sont importants ! Les grands-parents sont très importants pour les familles. Notre valeur pour nos enfants et nos petits-enfants est énorme. Vos petits-enfants adorent passer du temps avec vous et vos enfants vous sont souvent reconnaissants de l’attention supplémentaire,
Lorsqu’une demande raisonnable ne parvient pas à convaincre nos enfants, il est temps d’adopter une toute nouvelle tactique. Nous proposons le câlin énergique !
Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand Q. “Mon fils de 6 ans semble souffrir d’anxiété de performance et de perfectionnisme, non seulement à l’école mais aussi dans sa vie en général. J’aimerais avoir quelques idées ou de l’aide à ce sujet. Plus précisément, je remarque que mon
Mon fils de sept ans se faisait harceler par ses camarades de classe depuis des mois. Cela avait commencé avec les garçons, mais bientôt, certaines filles avaient aussi commencé à s’en prendre à lui.
Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand La rivalité entre frères et sœurs est un défi inévitable lorsqu’on élève plus d’un enfant. Quelle que soit la différence d’âge ou la personnalité des enfants, tôt ou tard, tous les enfants ayant des frères et sœurs se fâchent avec leur frère
Room tidying. Homework. School. Tests. Teen anxiety can display in the form of minor avoidance of a certain activity, but can also escalate into full-on terror at the thought of something. It takes on different disguises but with fear at its source. A series of unfelt emotions can accumulate into a big, uncomfortable knot that
Consistency is not vital Can you believe this? This nugget of wisdom is perhaps the most important thing that I learned when I first came across Hand in Hand. So much of the advice about how to handle a range of parenting challenges, and about limit setting in general, suggests that it’s super important to
Tu connais peut-être ce moment de lutte quotidienne quand tu essaies d’attacher ton enfant dans son siège-auto. Si tu en as marre des conflits, découvre comment mettre fin à cette bataille. Je décris dans ce récit comment je m’y suis prise avec ma grande de 6 ans, en espérant que cela t’inspirera !
It seems like my son has been advocating for himself since the minute he was born. If he wanted to feed, he wanted to feed now! As a toddler, if he wanted my attention he’d climb up on my lap and turn my face away from whoever I was talking to. If he did not
Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand “Je m’ennuie !” Qu’est-ce qu’un parent peut faire lorsque son enfant s’effondre sur le sol et se plaint : “Je m’ennuie ! Il n’y a rien à faire”, et qu’il attend, vide et apathique, une inspiration qui le sauvera d’un sort
How Is A Tantrum A Bid For Connection? The man at my parenting talk is exasperated by his two-year-old son’s behavior. “First, he wants a glass of milk,” he tells me. “I pour the glass and hand it to him, and he gets upset and says he doesn’t want it. So I say, ‘Okay, then,
Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand L’école peut être source de nombreux changements – et de nombreux sentiments à l’égard de ces changements. Pour certains enfants, l’école peut représenter un défi de taille. Ils se sentent anxieux et stressés, mais nous ne nous en rendrons peut-être jamais
The first day of or back to school can be a source of great anxiety, with students and parents feeling anticipation and nerves. The tools and strategies in this “Back to School Support Pack” build a sense of security and connection, and can be used at home or in the classroom. Please share them with