Your child needs you to set kind, sensible limits and to have you close to them while they burst out with the intense feelings they have. This spilling of feelings, together with your kind attention and patience, is the most effective way to speed your child’s return to their sensible, loving self.
If we wanted to make a list of things that irritate parents, we’d find children whining near the top! It’s a behavior that every child tries sooner or later. Some children fall into whining and can’t seem to climb back out. By the time a parent decides to search for advice about handling whining, they
A pair of six year old girls, teasing each other in the car on the way home from school. Oh joy, that’s my idea of a fun drive home. “You’re mean.” “I don’t like you.” “Blah, blah, blah, blah.” “Mommy, Ella is teasing me! She’s saying ‘blah, blah, blah, blah!’” It’s enough for any sane
We adults have lots of ways to distract ourselves from feeling a little off base. We jiggle our feet, chew on a pencil, snack and snack again, read the paper, or sneak in a bit of computer solitaire. Some of us turn to nicotine or caffeine, or to other habits that we know aren’t good
Q: I feel badly about this, but sometimes I hesitate to really get down and play with my daughter, because when I have to stop playing and tend to the baby, she gets so upset. How can I keep from hurting her feelings? —a mother of a baby and a four-year-old A: It’s healthy and
When our children are unreasonable, they are asking for our help. They need us to set limits for them. They also need to know that we care about them. It’s our caring that puts them back on track again.
Punishment, criticism, or time out will just intensify the distance between you and your child. Children’s minds don’t abide emotional distance. They are built for a sense of warm connection. It’s the sense of distance (not just the behavior that signals the distance) that’s the underlying problem. Here’s how you can bridge it.
Parents can set limits on our children’s behavior in order to help them relieve the stress they are under, and regain their innate good judgment and joy in cooperation. Setting limits with Young Children takes a bit of practice. When you think your child is being unreasonable, here are the steps to follow.
Connection and play saves the evening again!
I took my boys, 6 and 7, to the Museum of Natural History to see a 3D movies about marine dinosaurs. The youngest is especially sensitive to traumatic events in movies and games, so I had checked that the movie’s rating was age-appropriate. However, instead of having an impersonal nature movie, the plot was a
As my son grows older the draw towards video games is getting stronger and stronger, and so is the family struggle over them. I started to notice the tension and frustration around video games increasing and began to set limits, but it did not seem to be quite enough. I would set a limit, and
When my daughter was just under two years old, we were playing one day with a friend and her one-year old son. While gently nuzzling the leg of the younger boy, my daughter suddenly took his thigh in her mouth and bit down, HARD. He immediately started screaming and crying. My daughter lurched away, looking
By the time she was three months old, my entire life was focused on helping my baby daughter get some good sleep. I hired two sleep consultants, read every book on sleep available, but found no answers or magic cures. What I knew I could not do was leave her alone to “cry it out”.
Leah had returned from her dad’s house chock full of feelings—she seemed sullen and sad and had lost all enthusiasm about the party. I decided to help my daughter get in better emotional shape so that she would be able to enjoy our party.
Helping children with fears this way allows them to feel and share their feelings while at the same time they are truly safe.
When our grandson was one, and just walking, we convinced his parents to let us babysit so they could have a night out. They were quite nervous because they did not like to hear their son crying. We told them we could handle it, and promised we would call if things got out of hand.
Everything went well until we got to the checkout line and he asked for gum. I said no and he began to have a full blown tantrum, I was completely overwhelmed with the baby, the groceries and him. So I bought the gum. All the way home, I kept saying to myself, “You are being controlled by a child! This can only get worse.”
Talks and negotiations for candy and sweet treats in our house reached an all-time high in the weeks following the holidays and I grew weary of the asking, the begging and the whining. One day when my son asked me for “Just one more gelt,” I realized I was sick of rationing. I was done. I