Siblings Fighting: When You Get There Too Late
When we decide to bring a second child home, we long for those siblings to be good friends. Or we at least hope to avoid siblings fighting all the time so we can get some
When we decide to bring a second child home, we long for those siblings to be good friends. Or we at least hope to avoid siblings fighting all the time so we can get some
We often think it’s our job as parents to teach our children the concept of sharing, to time turns, or give a toy to another child to stop a tantrum. This can be an exhausting task!
My son seems like he’s in the midst of a contest every moment. He needs to be first to get to the car, first to choose his seat, first to finish his dinner. This is a very irritating fixation. What can I do to help him not be one of those super-competitive children and just live his life, rather than try to prove over and over again how good he is?
A pair of six year old girls, teasing each other in the car on the way home from school. Oh joy, that’s my idea of a fun drive home. “You’re mean.” “I don’t like you.”
In “It’s Mine! All About Sharing,” we looked at the “I’ll be with you while you wait” policy that helps children when they find themselves in competition for toys or attention. Now, we’ll turn to
When children want something, their feelings are often passionate. They can be gripped by a desire so strong that no other option will do. Every cell in their bodies is organized to communicate that having the blue shovel or the green balloon is the key to their happiness—a yellow shovel or a red balloon simply won’t do. But as any parent who has tried to enforce sharing knows, taking turns at those moments is far easier said than done.
Our children’s squabbles restimulate lots of old feelings in us, so that it’s often hard for us to intervene without causing more hurt. We need listening time to help us work through our frustrations and our fears about their upsets they have. We need a chance to release the feelings that rise in us when the fighting starts.
Those feelings of sibling rivalry can be lifted by a few important strategies which, employed early and often, can clear the way for rich, playful, and loving relationships between children. Since these strategies are not the typical, “Don’t do that or I’ll send you to your room” approach, they are challenging to use. But the results they bring over time are deeply rewarding.
Everything went well until we got to the checkout line and he asked for gum. I said no and he began to have a full blown tantrum, I was completely overwhelmed with the baby, the groceries and him. So I bought the gum. All the way home, I kept saying to myself, “You are being controlled by a child! This can only get worse.”
I have a friend who has twin girls. Ever since they were born one of the twins (the second to be born) was labeled the more difficult one. She cried more than her twin sister, she
After a weekend together, my husband and I were putting our kids to bed. The lights were out, but my 5-year-old was not settled; he was making a raspberry noise. This annoyed his brother, my
I was so sad when they were not getting along and my oldest was hitting and biting, particularly because I had read so many books and was from the beginning practicing attachment parenting and positive discipline.
My three-year-old and I had a Special Time during my older son’s piano lesson. When it ended and was time to pick my older son up, my younger son asked if he could get stickers
Resolving the biting issue was a priority over other jobs I had, and I rationed my energy and attention to deal with his new aggression. I reduced the time I spent on my household work (I did very minimum vacuum cleaning, dish washing and cooking!) to stay close by when my sons were together so I could reach in before things escalated.
My older son, who was six, had been constantly on the edge for a few weeks. He let out his feelings by crying on weekends and then go back to school on Monday. His first