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Dóra Fábián

lovasI live in Budapest, Hungary with two children: a 4 year old girl, and a 6 year old boy, and my husband who also has two daughters from a previous relationship. You could say we are a patchwork family.

As a teenager I felt bad when I saw kids not listened to. I knew I wanted to treat my kids differently. I also noticed that people liked to tell their problems to me, even when I didn’t always have answers for them.

This led me to become a child psychologist. I loved working with children and their parents. Before my first child was born, I thought it would be very easy, since I knew so much about children and would only have to fill my baby’s needs to bring him happiness. But this was not the case. I knew what I had to do, and yet, I could not for one reason or another. My son cried frequently and while I did not know it at the time, I came to understand that it’s okay, and his crying was not my fault.

When my second child turned 1, I began to feel things had gone irrevocably wrong. In that moment of darkness, I had an opportunity to work with Zsuzsanna Egry, a Parenting by Connection Instructor. As I became familiar with the Hand in Hand approach, I felt I had finally arrived home. It strengthened my convictions about how the parent-child relationship didn’t have to be a battle with winners or losers. There was no need for punishment, or rewards. I also came to realize why it was so hard for me to listen to my child’s crying, or to set limits with love – I learned I had to work through the troubled times of my own story by getting the support I needed.  I did and can now say that I want to do the same for parents in Hungary and around the world.

I want parents to know that they are doing precious work and that there is support available when they need it. As a homeschooling mom I want to support parents in learning how to use the wonderful tools of Hand in Hand parenting.

You can visit me on my Hungarian Facebook page where I share stories, thoughts, and ideas

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