Since the very first day after I gave birth to my first daughter, I felt lost. I was always wondering how am I going to raise her? Am I going to adopt my parents' way of parenting, or the way of my relatives, or the way of that mother I saw in the club?
While my daughters were growing, I attended many parenting courses, watched a lot of T.V shows on how to discipline kids, read a tremendous amount of articles about parenting and how to raise happy, well-disciplined and successful kids without yelling and how to keep calm raising them. I applied a tip from here and a tool from there. Sometimes I really felt successful, able to communicate well and like I could do it all with my kids, HORRAY!!! Other times felt in a complete mess and like I was a really bad parent.
Being very busy in my career intensified this feeling, especially since I had to travel a lot; my career was a challenge, as I work as an associate professor in the Faculty of Dentistry and have lots of educational and administrative responsibilities. I'm always busy, usually stuck in deadlines and with all of that going on, I of course felt guilty. I bought them lots of toys and gifts to make them happy. When I talked to them, I discovered they were not as happy as I thought. At that time, I realized I was doing exactly what my parents did, buying them everything they needed and focusing on their school life. Yes, I gave them time with my physical presence but not with the full presence of my mind they needed. Suddenly, my vision became clear, I knew what I missed when I was a little girl and I didn't give to my kids; it's deep, passionate and real connection.
One day, during my usual readings, I read an article about how to create a strong bond and stay connected with your kids on the Hand in Hand Parenting website. I was totally in love with the idea. It was exactly what I was searching for, having this continuous bond with my daughters more and more. I registered for the course and I was trained in the Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection way. With the science backing the approach, day after day, my faith in creating a family environment filled with love, warmth and support instead of punishment, judgement and labelling increased more and more.
Applying what I've learnt in Hand in Hand, I changed my mindset about work, meaning that when I'm with my kids, I don't think about work, and sometimes I reschedule my working hours or even say “No” to a task that is going to take my husband and kids' time at home. It was a very short time till I found a big change in my kids' behavior; my teenage daughters are getting closer to me now and I'm able to deal with them with great calmness. I started to see my kids from another perspective, they are good and don't mean to annoy me. They need to feel my love for them. I don't panic now when I see a misbehavior because I know there's something behind it, there are emotions that need to be offloaded and I'm able to dig deep to bring these emotions out with connection and love to bring out the beauty in their personalities.
After all I've been through; I need to tell all parents that parenting can be a hard work but definitely an enjoyable one if they find the right way to connect with their children.
I'm here to help busy working and nonworking moms to make strong and deep connections and bond with their children with lots of love and hope using the Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection tools.