So, the night before last seemed the perfect night to put my limit setting to the test. When my youngest woke up and wanted to come to our bed, I said in a loving tone, “No. I’m going to go sleep with Aba (dad), and you are going to stay here in bed with your brother.”
I normally listen to his big feelings when he brings an upset to me, using Staylistening in response to his cues. This time, I decided that I wanted to help him with both these issues because they affected our daily life, and because they weren’t getting better on their own.
Listening Tools have been so helpful for us.
Feeling terrified and completely overtaken by an even bigger need to speak out, I raised my hand and suggested we partner up and each take five minutes to talk about and acknowledge how WE were feeling.
I sensed that she was being triggered by the memory of her sister’s serious fall. I followed her to her room, where she was hiding in the closet. I went in there to do Staylistening, but she wouldn’t look at me and wasn’t communicative.
This whole situation demonstrates so clearly how the listening tools in Parenting by Connection all work together.
He went on for a couple of minutes vividly explaining the scene to me.
I was sorry she was scared, but I wanted to find a way to encourage her back into living her life without her Mommy-as-security-blanket.
…it even helped me, too, dispel the unpleasant memory of standing by powerlessly while she cried for me to help her.