The next time I saw him on tippy toes, with a worried look on his face, I moved towards him and put my arms around him. I said “Hey mate, it looks like you need to do a poo. I’m going to help you”. That was all he needed to start crying – he fought hard against me as he cried, “No, No, NO! I don’t want to.”
So, the night before last seemed the perfect night to put my limit setting to the test. When my youngest woke up and wanted to come to our bed, I said in a loving tone, “No. I’m going to go sleep with Aba (dad), and you are going to stay here in bed with your brother.”
The truth is that his mother really sticks to buying organic food most of the time and wouldn’t buy these gummie gushers; we are a little more lenient in letting my daughter explore some different foods once in a while.
She immediately got very upset and began crying and screaming at me. I moved closer to her and she began to scream at me to go away.
We often give in to her wants, even though we don’t think it’s a good idea, because she looks miserable when she’s not getting what she asks for. We get confused about the right thing to do.
Whatever I said, the answer was “NO!” He was really out of kilter.
I didn’t make him do it, but I didn’t give up on the idea that he COULD do it.
Our older son tore it out of his brother’s hands and said that he was playing with it.
When one reasonable request doesn’t get through to our children, it’s time for an entirely new tactic. We propose the vigorous snuggle!
Why was I plagued by thoughts of my less-than-ideal childhood when I should be enjoying my daughter’s happy one?
She took in my answer, and began to scream.
This helped me gain confidence in the notion that if I supportively stayed with my daughter while she struggled with negative emotions, she would come out to the other side of them…
My impression was that Joey was in need of having a huge cry to release his pent up feelings, but he couldn’t get to tears very easily since her was conditioned to repress them at home.
I was sorry she was scared, but I wanted to find a way to encourage her back into living her life without her Mommy-as-security-blanket.
Before I learned about the Hand in Hand approach, I either forced them to take a bath, doing it as quickly as possible, or I avoided giving them a bath at all.
I FINALLY realized what was bothering her the entire time.