When children cry for more closeness or get upset because you can’t help them right away, it can be an excellent chance to help them fully release the sadness they feel.
Once the crying has begun, a loving look or a tender word, an invitation to come and snuggle, to sit on your feet or be embraced by your one free arm still says, “I want to help.”
If your child begins to tantrum or cry, an excellent thing is happening!
Your child is using your offer of closeness to begin to release their pent-up feelings of upset. Sometimes children “work on” their feelings of helplessness, too, and feel like they can’t even walk over to you. After they’ve cried a while, they’ll rediscover their ability to walk again. They’ll have worked through some old feelings that were making them whiny and hard to live with. These will clear.
Crying and tantrums heal the hurt, although, by all appearances, your child feels worse than ever while it’s happening. If you keep offering loving words and gentle looks while they work their feelings through, they’ll feel closer to you and much more relieved when they’re done. They won’t be blaming their unhappiness on their sibling, or anyone else.
Their unhappiness will have been scrubbed away by the heartfelt emotional work they just did.
Key to this strategy is your understanding that your love is enough, even when you can’t help right away. Your attention during an explosion of feelings (even from the other side of the room) is noticed by your child. Your voice and your eyes will convey your caring, and help to right the wrongs that your child is feeling.
You are not neglecting them, nor are you causing more pain. While you patiently listen to the crying or tantrum, you are doing a good job as a parent, and your child is doing a good job of getting rid of the troubling or painful feelings they don’t want to live with.
This article is part of our “Ultimate Sibling Rivalry Survival Guide” which is FREE to download here.
