Giggles and laughter are stress dissolvers, making play a great way to tackle many everyday parenting challenges.
In our book Listen: Five Tools To Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges, Hand in Hand Founder, Patty Wipfler lists Playlistening as one of five essential parenting Tools for calm, connected parenting. When parents use the Playlistening Tool, they take the less powerful role, by acting goofy and following the laughter as their children lead the play. Parents are encouraged to put up resistance but ultimately let children win when they play fight, pillow throw or use play to test their strengths, allowing kids a moment to wield power over the adults in their lives.
Why does this work?
Play breeds an almost instant feel good reaction that plumps up connections. Play also gives children a chance to let go of pent up feelings. When children lash out they don’t deliberately set out to upset parents. Refusals arise when children feel disconnected and don’t have words to explain their feelings. It might look like not eating, sleeping, getting dressed or brushing teeth, along with rebuttals, tantrums and sibling fights.
The reason for an upset may not be immediately apparent, even understandable, says Patty. Rather than force an explanation, she suggests taking a detour using play. Laughter relieves the stress, physical contact promotes further release and play boosts connection. Kids can express their issues without the need for words.
Caveat: Play isn’t always the solution. If a game doesn’t go down well, it might signal that your child needs to have a good cry, before they can laugh. Then you will shift to using a tool called Staylistening – which works to release deeply held fears.
You will sense what your child needs. Choosing to be bumbling and silly is an invitation to play. If your invitation is followed by a smile (or a pillow to the head) go with it.
Play Away your Parenting Struggles:
The Mock Slip, Trip or Fall Game
When to Play: Anytime the kids are getting cranky
How to Play: Pose a simple challenge: “Bet I can beat you down the hallway,” or “I need to catch you for a cuddle” and then start the race. As they take the lead and you give chase, have an ‘accident’ where you slip, trip or fall. As you scrabble and sprawl, your kids will laugh (or tell you that you’re a loser) and tensions slip away.
Why it Works: Not only do they ‘win’ the challenge, they also see you looking willing to make fun of YOU and that lets them know that it’s OK to make mistakes.
The ‘Take Your Parts’ Game
When to Play: When there is resistance from your child around eating, taking medicine or washing hair
How to Play: Step into the limelight and play your child’s role in the battle. If they refuse medicine, suggest playing doctor and find something to use as a syringe. Take the role of the patient and use playful prompts: “I hope they don’t want to give me yucky medicine with that horrible syringe,” Then holler and pretend to spit as they feed it to you.
If food is an issue try a nibble and say, “Eek! That does taste awful. How am I going to manage a plateful?” Parade this show of distaste and they may join you in a competition of disgusting sounds or faces.
Why it Works: Games like this give children a sense of power over a situation they find scary, which helps them to counter the fear.
The Roughhousing Game(s)
When to Play: When storms are brewing! These games help release the powerlessness and fear that drive anger and aggression
How to Play: Anything that takes some strength. You can pillow fight, swing them over your shoulder and have them try and get down, or challenge them to push you off the sofa and let them use their strength to make it happen. Suggest the play with a playfyl dare, put up a good fight, but remember to let them win.
Why it Works: Physical games like this build safety and are a natural relaxant. Let your child’s laughter be your guide. If they stop the play, check that you are empowering not overpowering. Playfully give them the chance to get back in control. Then, let the good times continue to roll!
The ‘IÂ Won’t Go’ Game
When to Play: Anytime your child is experiencing shyness or doubts around new people or places
How to Play: As you near your destination, you pretend to be afraid. Run from the room with a little scream of terror and tell your child, “I’m scared. I don’t want to go.” You can repeat this, moving slowly and then retreating, as they smile or giggle. They will take your hand and lead you, other times you might ask for a helping hand.
Why it Works: Fears stop your child wanting to do new things. When you act silly and take the LESS powerful role, that eases the tension. If they take the power role of guiding you to the new place that ups their confidence.
The Lion Tamer Game
When to Play: When your child lashes out, growls or yells, “I hate you!”
How to Play: Act shocked and say something like, “It sounds like an angry lion got in here! How did that happen? They must need taming with kisses.” Attempt to ‘catch the lion’ as they run and you miss. If they hide, prompt them by asking for the lion to roar, and when you catch them shower them with kisses. Then check in to see if they are ‘tamed’ . If they continue to growl or grab try saying something like, “Oops, I got it wrong! Angry lions are tamed by kisses on the knees only,” or “Lions get tamed with raspberries on the belly.” You are reaching underneath the difficult behavior to your child’s goodness, Give them affectionate kisses or nuzzles until the laughter helps the anger subside.
Why it Works: You show them that you’ll stick close by and stay loving even when they are at their scariest. This builds their reassurance and sense of safety.
Play requires your imagination and creativity, as well as your energy. If you are finding it hard to muster up what you need to play, then your own tensions could be riding high. Try getting some one-on-one support with a Listening Partnership. After a good talk, and release of feelings, you’ll find play just as re-energizing as your children do!
These games are from the book Listen, Five Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. For more, buy the book.
From the Hand in Hand Toolbox:
- Enjoyed these games? Find more in 15 Playful Ways To Solve Sibling Rivalry
- Feeling stressed? Download this free guide 5 Revolutionary Ideas That Make Parenting Less Stressful
