It's fairly easy to tell when a toddler's emotional system has taken over. Tantrums. A toddler will yell when they don't get the blue cup or can't take another cookie, and then scream, throw themselves on the floor, or send something crashing. 

Not so with tweens and teens. 

In fact, the way they signal their upset can feel very much more like a criticism or a complaint that invites us to offer some advice or reflection – which can lead to disaster. 

“I hate you.”

“You never listen.”

“You just don't get it.”

Followed by cold, hard silence. 

Which is why this week Emily and Kathy are talking about how to help tweens and teens feel heard so that they can offload the many pressures they feel safely and get back to clear thinking. 

Emily calls it the “zip lips, bite tongue and sit on hands technique,” that gives older kids the support they need to build confidence and resilience. 

If you are already familiar with Staylistening to your younger child, and want to know how this changes as they grow older, or you are new here, and looking for responsive strategies for supporting your tween or teen, listen in. 

 Tune In To Hear:

• How to know when to listen and when to offer reassurance. 

• The signals you can look out for that show a tween or teen is not thinking well, and just needs you to listen. 

• Why hot words aren't meant to be taken personally, and one thing you can do if you find your tween or teen's offloading triggering. 

• How tears diffuse the feelings behind hot words, and how to make the transition
• How parents can listen without agreeing with a child's complaints