How to Set Limits With Your Child

If you've been struggling to set limits in a way that works over time and doesn't lead to rebellion or tantrums, you're in luck. You've finally found the solution you've desperately been seeking to give you the results you want to see.

If you've ever thought to yourself “this just won't work with my kid”, we feel you. We've been there and thought the same thing! Before finding Patty's approach, we tried lots of “quick fix” solutions, parenting methods, and negotiations – just to get lack luster results.

Maybe you've only gotten the results you want with punishment, time-outs, or discipline. You may think that a softer approach mean you'll get walked all over, or your child will ignore you.

We hear you. And we promise you there's another way.

If you've tried everything in the book and are still struggling to get the behavior you want to see, what have you got to lose?

Try out this powerful combination of tools explained below, even if it's an experiment, just to see what happens.

We've seen thousands of exhausted and frustrated parents use these tools to get lasting revolutionary and transformational results.

We'd love to know what you think. If you tried it out, how did it go? Do you have questions about refining your use of these tools? Do you want to share a success story? Please let us know in the comments below!

4 thoughts on “How to Set Limits With Your Child”

  1. What if the behavior is happening out of your reach but within earshot? Examples- across the park he’s bulldozing his little sister over; ripping a toy out of his big sister’s hands & breaking it in half while I’m cooking dinner inside; knocking a friend’s block tower over while I’m nursing baby brother in the same room, etc. I see the action happening, I am telling him to stop/no, and he goes forward with it anyway, usually while making eye contact with me. He’s 4.

  2. This works very well when I wan to stop a behavior. I need something that help me convince my almost-4 year old to DO something… Get dressed, put his toys away.

    It’s actually a weird dance of him wanting to do certain stuff by his own – things that he doesn’t quite “master” (I want to pour my own milk from a large container) and then refusing to do easy things (pick up a paper towel and clean the mess). He’s like “I want to turn on the gas/handle the knife/go by myself to the store/make pancakes” and “I don’t want to brush my teeth/put toys away/put my socks on”, etc.

    1. I think the idea in your case would be to set the limit, ie. “It’s time to brush teeth,” or “Time for clean up,” etc.

      Then be there “staylistening” when they resist, fight, tantrum, cry, etc. Say very little, but be there to embrace their emotions/expression. Don’t punish or bribe or lecture. If you need to re-set the limit, do so.

      My understanding is that if your limit triggers a reaction from them, then you are moving in the right direction in setting limits, so long as you don’t make it “wrong” that they want to resist, and be present for them to be upset.

      This often undermines our parental wish to 1-2-3 “get it done” and not have a long, drawn out thing. But consistently working with these methods will connect you more, set the limit, and eventually get you through such things quicker.

  3. im having a similar issue as Katie in the comment above with my 3.5 year old. What do I do when I’m not right next to him? And the action has already finished by the time I get to him.

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