Is getting ready for school making you all stressed every morning? Do you find yourself screaming “We’re gonna be late!”……only to find your child still sitting around in their pajamas?Do you ask yourself why you have to ask them 300 times to do something? Do you feel panic rising at the thought of being late? …Or maybe no matter what you do you are always late.
So what really going on?
Kids need to feel like we’re with them and we get them before they feel ready to separate and go off to school. The most helpful way to do this is through offering our warm, unhurried attention and listening to anything they can find to be upset about (Hint: the upset is not really about getting dressed, more a venting of the accumulation of upsets they are holding).
We call this Staylistening.
There’s No Way I Can Add Another Thing to my To-Do List
I know it sounds like I am asking you to add another thing to your morning, and how is that possible? There are breakfasts to make and lunches to pack and homework to gather and forms to sign and then you still have to get ready for your own day. Listening to their upset sounds like a big stressor.I know!
We are overloaded, with responsibility, with feelings that permeate each day. We ask, why is this so hard and why is no-one helping, and actually, does no-one know that I feel quite lonely most of the time? We question ourselves all the time, asking, am I really messing this parenting thing up?
No! It’s just that you probably haven’t had your feelings listened to…
We don’t realize how many feelings from the past get stirred up by being with kids. For example, if you look at your automatic pattern around lateness there’s often more to it than first meets the eye:
There may be:
- Lingering birth issues
- Your parents’ relationship with time and how it affected you
- Feelings that impacted you and stayed with you from times you were late
This is where Listening Partnerships come in.
Listening Partnerships are a space where you can exchange listening time with another adult and dump out all your current feelings and work through all the old feelings that have been stirred up through parenting. What happens through doing this is that you clear the emotional debris from your mind, you MAKE SPACE and then… almost magically… you’ll find yourself able to listen to your kid whining about how they want different socks. And it can be as simple as that. I promise.
Hand in Hand Toolbox
- To find out more about how Listening Time works get this free Listening Partnership Booklet!
- Find Listening Partners and get daily coaching in our free Hand in Hand Community
- Catapult from liking Hand in Hand to living it. Take an Instructor-led 6 week Foundations Course. Practice one Tool each week, get coaching and Listening Time live in class. You’ll know what to do in the real, messy moment that used to lay you flat.
