Stop Threats And Bribes
If You Want To Build More Cooperation
This connection-first approach is far more effective
Most parents don't intend to threaten or bribe.
But it's easier to do than you may think. Take a look:
- “If you don’t tidy up the blocks now, you can’t go to the park.”
- “How about you just put the blocks in a pile for now…and tidy them later. Otherwise we’ll be late for the park.”
- “If you tidy the blocks up now, we can go to the park – and maybe even get an ice cream.’
- “If you don’t tidy the blocks, I won’t let you play with them later.”
- “Tidy up right now, or time out.”
Consequences. Negotiations. Bribes or rewards. Punishments.
They are all threats.
The threat comes as soon as a parents bigness or authority is used to force a child.
But how well do these methods work when you want your children to cooperate?
Maybe once or twice.
If you are here reading this, you probably found they fail after a few tries.
Your child starts questioning or bargaining or fighting back.
Often, things end in a power battle, with your child in tears on the floor.
Then? Yelling or timeouts. Or maybe you just relent.
Trying to get things done using these methods is draining for parents. Confusing for kids. And doesn’t feel good for either side.
It’s a kind of powerlessness that eats away at good relationships.
But there is another way to build cooperation so that chores are not, well, a chore.
Because aren't we all more eager to pitch in when we feel good and connected?
In this week’s podcast Emily and Kathy show you how connection can help you build cooperation and get things done. And how you can put connection first to build that cooperation.
These methods not only feel more playful and enjoyable – they also sit better in your heart.
Tune In To Hear:
- Why threats are based in fear and powerlessness and how to turn that around
- Using connection as preventative medicine, and why this is so effective before you make a request
- Mock threats, playful dares, and other great ways to inspire cooperation
- How using play when you feel powerless can be empowering
- What about authority? Why setting limits and building cooperation this way can feel counter-intuitive
- Go-to stress reducers to use when you feel frustrated – silent yelling, opera asks and accents
- Why creating a family culture of silliness, play and mistake-making builds long-term trust and connection
One Small Thing…
Your parenting challenge this week, should you choose to accept it, is to get a bit silly before you ask your kids to do something. Seek to replace play in spots where you traditionally bring seriousness.
Mentioned In This Episode:
Curious how these ideas play out in real life? This post walks you through setting an expectation with a child that refuses. Go from no to yes! Read “I Don’t Want To!” Holding An Expectation When Your Child Refuses.”
Rate, Review, & Follow On Apple
If you would like more parents to find Hand in Hand Parenting then please consider rating this podcast on Apple podcasts. Your rating helps us reach more parents and support them as they invite more warm connection into their families.
Click here and tap to rate. Choose “Write a Review,” and tell us what you most enjoyed about the episode.
And then hit “follow” so you don't miss an episode.
Prefer Spotify or Stitcher?
We publish new episodes on Tuesdays.