So, the night before last seemed the perfect night to put my limit setting to the test. When my youngest woke up and wanted to come to our bed, I said in a loving tone, “No. I’m going to go sleep with Aba (dad), and you are going to stay here in bed with your brother.”
“Your head is hot,” he said. “You had a hard day. It must be hard taking care of three kids and yourself too.”
I normally listen to his big feelings when he brings an upset to me, using Staylistening in response to his cues. This time, I decided that I wanted to help him with both these issues because they affected our daily life, and because they weren’t getting better on their own.
I was calm and felt an internal peace I have not had in a while. I knew I was there for her and that it was not my responsibility to “make her” feel better, that she just needed to to feel her pain, confusion and anger.
Listening Tools have been so helpful for us.
The truth is that his mother really sticks to buying organic food most of the time and wouldn’t buy these gummie gushers; we are a little more lenient in letting my daughter explore some different foods once in a while.
As soon as another child would begin playing with a toy, he would come over and either hit the child or grab the toy away.
I have never been able to put into words how I feel. It seemed inconceivable how I could express so much love. Afterward, I felt like a great mother.
We often give in to her wants, even though we don’t think it’s a good idea, because she looks miserable when she’s not getting what she asks for. We get confused about the right thing to do.
Desperate, one day, to get my active and resistant 3-year-old dressed, I came up with this game.
Immediately after that, he said his first sentence!
Whatever I said, the answer was “NO!” He was really out of kilter.
Recently in our family we’ve had a new baby. That’s brought all sorts of adjustments, of course, for my son. There are a few “playlistening” ideas that have been helpful, that others may find useful too:
“You know, my son is driving me absolutely crazy. He whines and whines and I just go up the wall. Sometimes I have to leave the room, ’cause I don’t want to hurt him and I’m going nuts. I just leave him alone when he does that.”
I just told them both that I was there for them and that it was okay to cry.