Staylistening Surprises: When Things Don’t Go As Planned

If you’ve discovered the simple and seemingly radical tool of Staylistening – of staying and listening through your child’s upset – you may have been amazed by how your child recovers from that tantrum or meltdown and returns to brightness and easy co-operate.

Or, you may have not!


Staylistening doesn’t always go the way we parents expect, and there can be many reasons why. On the podcast this week Elle and Abigail look at some of the different ways Staylistening can look and how we might respond in the moment.

  • Children may not go immediately into a healing cry. They may become angry intstead, and that may trigger us as parents, so we stop thinking, too.
  • They may also tell us to go away, leaving us unsure about whether to stay close or not
  • They may not want any kind of touch, or even for you to look at them
  • How Staylistening might look at different ages

Abigail talks about a technique she uses when her son wanted space called “drive-bys” and gives some insights to Elle into how to her son might be feeling when he changes the subject in the midst of a big upset. They finish on what happens if Staylistening moves to hitting and violence.

If Staylistening has given you one or two surprises, listen in as we decode what could be happening.

More About Staylistening

Here’s the science behind the Hand in Hand Tool of Staylistening

Not sure what to say during Staylistening? Read this!

Mixed feelings about when your child tells you to go away?

We’d love to hear about how Staylistening looks in your house. Does your child do the “classic” staylisten, or have you found yourself moving into unknown territory?

$100 off the Hand in Hand Starter Class

If you want to work with a Hand in Hand Instructor and are interested in the Starter Class Elle mentioned, you can find the details of it here.

Here’s the podcast we mention with Dr. Dan at Parent Footprint.

keep connected

We’d love to hear about the issues affecting you and your family. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message

You can contact Abigail Wald about parenting courses and consultations, and learn more about her 30-Day Family Reset here.

You can listen to this episode and every episode on iTunes.

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