All of us experienced nightmares at some point in our childhood. Usually, nightmares are an occasional thing. And they need a parent to be close to them, to hold them, and to keep them safe while they get rid of those awful fears.
Many of us sleep with our infants and children. We sleep with them because they love being close to us, and we (at least sometimes) also enjoy this closeness. Some of us sleep with our children, hoping it will bring us a better night’s sleep. But at some point, the difficulties of sleeping together can
Healthy families in many cultures allow children to sleep with parents, and if that works for your family, great. But, if your sleep schedule doesn’t line up well with your child’s, or if the good effects of sleeping close together are negated because no one sleeps well in that arrangement at your house, you do have other options.
By the time she was three months old, my entire life was focused on helping my baby daughter get some good sleep. I hired two sleep consultants, read every book on sleep available, but found no answers or magic cures. What I knew I could not do was leave her alone to “cry it out”.
When my daughter was around two, I was ready for her to move to her own bed. I knew helping children sleep in their own beds could be challenging, and I wanted the transition to be as easy as possible for her, so I thought naptime, instead of bedtime, would be the best way to slowly introduce this idea.
The night before last, my three-year-old, awoke at 4:30 am crying and very scared. He kept asking, “Is someone gonna come?” He had watched Kung Fu Panda with us earlier that day, a movie that he’s seen many times and likes, but this time it seemed to get to him–at least subconsciously. I had gone
My son has co-slept with me since he was born. When he was about 18 months old, I bought him his own bed with the plan to move him into it so I could have my bed to myself. I tried getting him to stay there, but I could never make it work. We had
“Hi, Hand in Hand Parenting, My almost 3 1/2 year old is having an especially hard time right now with family coming to visit. He has always had an extremely high need for connection. He still needs to sleep right next to me- not even his super involved attachment parenting dad will suffice. But he
Eventually I said, “OK, you go to sleep now. Do you remember that I love you?” He said, “OK! Yes. Do you remember I love you?” I said yes, and he yawned. I sat for a few more minutes and asked him a couple of more times if he remembered that I love him. He said yes and was quiet. Less than 10 minutes later I went in to check on him as promised, and he was asleep. I kissed his cheek. He opened his eyes a bit and nodded when I asked if he remembered I loved him. And then he went back to sleep.
My grandson kept having life-threatening emergencies–it took a good while to get him stabilized. I stayed right beside him, talking him through it all. Drugged up on morphine, he kept one eye open finding my eyes. I talked about what was happening, what people were doing to help him, how we would not leave him alone and would help him fight,
My habit had been to lay down with my five-year-old daughter at bedtime until she was asleep, which often took half an hour or more. She would fall asleep fairly easily when others put her to bed, reading books with the light on until she fell asleep. I was ready to make a shift in
We adopted our daughter at birth but due to the state’s adoption laws and her case of jaundice, she was confined to the hospital nursery for 5 days. We had limited access to her during visiting hours. So her welcome to the world was to be separated from both her birth mom and me, sick,
She started to cry on and off, and I tried to remember if anything had happened that might have upset her.
I thought, “No, we aren’t going to be able to handle a big upset right now!” so I got her to let him go, and we kept on pillowfighting and wrestling for a long time–10 or 15 minutes.
So, the night before last seemed the perfect night to put my limit setting to the test. When my youngest woke up and wanted to come to our bed, I said in a loving tone, “No. I’m going to go sleep with Aba (dad), and you are going to stay here in bed with your brother.”
I normally listen to his big feelings when he brings an upset to me, using Staylistening in response to his cues. This time, I decided that I wanted to help him with both these issues because they affected our daily life, and because they weren’t getting better on their own.
Immediately after that, he said his first sentence!
Children need to feel their feelings and share them with a caring adult. And then they can relax and feel confident and safe.