Hi Hand in Hand Parenting, My almost 3 1/2 year old is having an especially hard time right now with family coming to visit. He has always had an extremely high need for connection. He
Eventually I said, “OK, you go to sleep now. Do you remember that I love you?” He said, “OK! Yes. Do you remember I love you?” I said yes, and he yawned. I sat for a few more minutes and asked him a couple of more times if he remembered that I love him. He said yes and was quiet. Less than 10 minutes later I went in to check on him as promised, and he was asleep. I kissed his cheek. He opened his eyes a bit and nodded when I asked if he remembered I loved him. And then he went back to sleep.
My grandson kept having life-threatening emergencies–it took a good while to get him stabilized. I stayed right beside him, talking him through it all. Drugged up on morphine, he kept one eye open finding my eyes. I talked about what was happening, what people were doing to help him, how we would not leave him alone and would help him fight,
My habit had been to lay down with my five-year-old daughter at bedtime until she was asleep, which often took half an hour or more. She would fall asleep fairly easily when others put her
We adopted our daughter at birth but due to the state’s adoption laws and her case of jaundice, she was confined to the hospital nursery for 5 days. We had limited access to her during
She started to cry on and off, and I tried to remember if anything had happened that might have upset her.
I thought, “No, we aren’t going to be able to handle a big upset right now!” so I got her to let him go, and we kept on pillowfighting and wrestling for a long time–10 or 15 minutes.
So, the night before last seemed the perfect night to put my limit setting to the test. When my youngest woke up and wanted to come to our bed, I said in a loving tone, “No. I’m going to go sleep with Aba (dad), and you are going to stay here in bed with your brother.”
I normally listen to his big feelings when he brings an upset to me, using Staylistening in response to his cues. This time, I decided that I wanted to help him with both these issues because they affected our daily life, and because they weren’t getting better on their own.
Immediately after that, he said his first sentence!
Children need to feel their feelings and share them with a caring adult. And then they can relax and feel confident and safe.
Why was I plagued by thoughts of my less-than-ideal childhood when I should be enjoying my daughter’s happy one?
I think that when I stopped tickling my son, he began to feel a lot safer with me.
