The next time I saw him on tippy toes, with a worried look on his face, I moved towards him and put my arms around him. I said “Hey mate, it looks like you need to do a poo. I’m going to help you”. That was all he needed to start crying – he fought hard against me as he cried, “No, No, NO! I don’t want to.”
I spent some “Special Time” with her, playing until we felt like we knew each other. Eventually, she told me that she wanted to stop sucking her thumb. I said that I would stay with her while she tried to think about taking her thumb out of her mouth, but that I wasn’t going to make her take it out.
So, the night before last seemed the perfect night to put my limit setting to the test. When my youngest woke up and wanted to come to our bed, I said in a loving tone, “No. I’m going to go sleep with Aba (dad), and you are going to stay here in bed with your brother.”
I normally listen to his big feelings when he brings an upset to me, using Staylistening in response to his cues. This time, I decided that I wanted to help him with both these issues because they affected our daily life, and because they weren’t getting better on their own.
Immediately after that, he said his first sentence!
I sensed that she was being triggered by the memory of her sister’s serious fall. I followed her to her room, where she was hiding in the closet. I went in there to do Staylistening, but she wouldn’t look at me and wasn’t communicative.
Children need to feel their feelings and share them with a caring adult. And then they can relax and feel confident and safe.
It is so nice to see her leaving with a smile instead of sadness.
This whole situation demonstrates so clearly how the listening tools in Parenting by Connection all work together.
He went on for a couple of minutes vividly explaining the scene to me.
I was sorry she was scared, but I wanted to find a way to encourage her back into living her life without her Mommy-as-security-blanket.
Before I learned about the Hand in Hand approach, I either forced them to take a bath, doing it as quickly as possible, or I avoided giving them a bath at all.
…it even helped me, too, dispel the unpleasant memory of standing by powerlessly while she cried for me to help her.