How Is A Tantrum A Bid For Connection? The man at my parenting talk is exasperated by his two-year-old son’s behavior. “First, he wants a glass of milk,” he tells me. “I pour the glass and hand it to him, and he gets upset and says he doesn’t want it. So I say, ‘Okay, then,
I’ll let you in on a profound insight that changed my life. Your kids don’t need tantrum training but you probably do! No doubt you have always been shown and told that tantrums are a bad thing. It is a common view. But, I think you’ll come to value them—once you see how they can
A guest post by Julie Johnson The holidays are here and as wonderful as a happy holiday would be, the reality is not always that joyful. Your little one asks you to play every thirty minutes, but you keep saying no because the turkey still isn’t done and everyone is hungry. Finally, she grabs a
A Guest Post with Roma Norriss Tantrums are an inevitable element of childhood. No matter what we do, beginning at around age two, big upsets and crying always appear. It can be as late as six before we see them stop, although many parents see big cries from much older children too – something
“I was lucky to get involved with Hand in Hand (then Parents Leadership Institute) when my children were aged 6, 3, and just-born, over twenty years ago. I was in quite a lot of stress, as we were trying to cope with joint custody for the two older ones, attachment issues for an adopted child,
One thing Shelley Macy likes to avoid is being called as an expert, despite the fact she has worked for decades training teachers. Shelley is an early childhood educator working with tribal early learning programs in Washington State and Idaho. She has native heritage but was raised in the white community. “That brings a white perspective,
As parents, we do so much to support our children in their happiness. We make sure to get just the right balance of peanut butter and jelly on their sandwich, stock their favorite cereal, keep their comfiest pairs of socks washed and ready, and give them their favorite color cup at lunch, along with a
Have you ever got home from a really crap day where EVERYTHING went wrong? You see that your darling partner has accidentally left the milk out of the fridge and you just LOSE it, ranting and screaming. Seemingly this is over the milk being left out… Has your child ever “flipped their lid” because you
Books can be a warm route into moments of connection. If your child is facing issues, from separation anxiety, to tantrums or sibling rivalry, snuggling up with a relevant book can be a great way for both of you to connect and explore what’s happening, in words or simply in unspoken comfort. Your child might see
By Andrea McCracken As a parent, it can be difficult to remain objective and detached from the emotional storm cloud that erupts in our children. When my 6-year-old becomes emotional, it’s easy for me to be caught up in her big feelings, and mine. But watching how teachers at my child’s school respond to big
My four-year-old son LOVES garbage trucks. He is obsessed with them, and not just the trucks. He loves everything to do with garbage disposal: garbage cans, recycling, compost, trips to the landfill, and the garbage itself. He sorts all of our trash and puts our cans on the curb. He wakes up an hour early
“She’s viciously swearing, venomously shouting horrible things” I explain to my Listening Partner. I am relating the story of my morning; a repetitive recurring interaction between me and my 6 year old daughter. I am talking to my Listening Partner – an acquaintance I speak with weekly. We’ve agreed to give each other 10 minutes
Earlier that night my daughter had shown us some big feelings by screaming and crying when I set a limit for no more cookies. Now, even though it was late and much past her bedtime, I could still see we still had work to do. My daughter has a huge capacity for emotion. Just the
We were at an impasse for at least 10 minutes. We tried to wait patiently for her to be ready to leave, but she refused to buckle her car seat and physically prevented us from helping her. Finally, after at least 10 minutes, she allowed me to help her. She was tired and angry and the look in her eyes said, “Help me. I’m in here somewhere and I can’t find myself.”
It works because they learn that they can trust you to be their guide when they are lost. They learn that you love them in their darkest moments.
When our children express emotion why is it that we want those big feelings to go away, and why is it that crying or tantrums irk us so much? A big part of it may be how our own feelings were dealt with when we were younger.
On the second day, our daughter, who was two, was starting to get upset easily, not wanting to share with her brother, and generally not being happy. At first I was thinking, why is she upset? She has had some really fun happy times with us, there are lots of new and fun and different things we are doing together… we are on holiday!
When a child is crying we need to show that we are in this together with her and that she will cross over through pain, sadness, and anger and will arrive on the other side feeling much better.