I have thought a lot about what words I say to my two children when they are pushing boundaries and I need to set a limit. I have found the phrase, “I can’t let you do that” to be so helpful. Of course, physically stepping in to be close, and my body language, is just
I could tell my 6-year-old daughter had something on her mind. She had been talking about something that had troubled her at school, and while I had listened empathetically, it didn’t feel like she had gotten the feeling out. Close to bedtime, she started giving me her usual off-track signals: being a bit rough with
When my son was around four, he had a hard time with playdates. He desperately wanted to play with other children, but these play times would quickly end in conflict. In particular, if a child came to our house, my son could not really enjoy playing with them; he tried to control the play, which
When my son was almost three years old, I really wanted to attend a conference on the other side of the country. I agonized over whether or not to go. The conference was several days long, so I didn’t want to leave my son at home; I would have to take him with me and
I was just reflecting on how much progress my family has made with the listening tools. Yesterday, I was working late, and my au pair (from Mexico) was eating dinner with my children and getting them ready for bed. The plan was for me to get home before 7 pm to take over the bedtime
My five-year-old daughter and I had had a really fun evening together: a mommy-and-daughter dinner date at our favorite burger place, followed by frozen yogurt nearby. We talked a lot and were playful with one another throughout, but, toward the very end, her behavior started to go off-track. She wanted to walk on high walls that weren’t safe
I invited my kids to my room for a nap after lunch. I told them I would get their mattresses and place them by the side of our bed and we all would rest together. It sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? But as you know by now, I don’t write fairy tales.
My 7-year-old daughter, M, returned home from trick-or-treating this Halloween with a bag of candy that weighed at least 5 pounds. In past years, she would eat a few pieces of candy Halloween night, we would put the bag up away from the dogs, and then she could choose a piece each night after dinner. She would forget it was there after a couple of nights, and then we’d bring the rest into work for the office candy bowl. It didn’t quite work that way this year though.
I was feeling tight and cranky in my parenting. I knew I needed to think about setting limits on screen time, and my impulse was to grab the iPad out of my son’s hands and stomp on it. I was not thinking well!!
When a child is crying we need to show that we are in this together with her and that she will cross over through pain, sadness, and anger and will arrive on the other side feeling much better.
I had just spent the prior week talking (i.e. stressing) about how much I should hold a limit around my daughter’s following through with activities. Should I just let her quit when she’s afraid or nervous? When is it time to push and when do I step back?
Setting Limits With Kristen Volk My six year old daughter seemed fine when she came home from school. Her nine year old brother had been sick for three days and I was looking forward to her being with us. However, it wasn’t long before she started being uncooperative, demanding and grumpy. She said, “No, I’m
Your child needs you to set kind, sensible limits and to have you close to them while they burst out with the intense feelings they have. This spilling of feelings, together with your kind attention and patience, is the most effective way to speed your child’s return to their sensible, loving self.
If we wanted to make a list of things that irritate parents, we’d find children whining near the top! It’s a behavior that every child tries sooner or later. Some children fall into whining and can’t seem to climb back out. By the time a parent decides to search for advice about handling whining, they
I took my boys, 6 and 7, to the Museum of Natural History to see a 3D movies about marine dinosaurs. The youngest is especially sensitive to traumatic events in movies and games, so I had checked that the movie’s rating was age-appropriate. However, instead of having an impersonal nature movie, the plot was a
Helping children with fears this way allows them to feel and share their feelings while at the same time they are truly safe.
When my son was 4 he went through a period when he was very resistant to getting dressed. It didn’t matter if he was dressing himself or if I offered to help him, it was a struggle every morning. Over the course of a few weeks I attempted all sorts of play to try to
What a gift setting limits with children can be when the limit is set with lots of warmth and patience for our child to go through the process of releasing their upsets.