It was one of those necessary limits that we parents set every day and I liked the process as it didn’t build up tension in him or in myself, instead, it diffused it. I didn’t resort to threats or bribes, and I didn’t raise my voice. It made us close and playful.
I’ve been working with Cynthia on learning how to build a solid foundation through working with my daughter rather than trying to control her.
She has a strong mama “preference” and almost never chooses to be with me rather than with her mother.
Apparently, a few of the “older” kids are being very aggressive towards the younger children, hitting them and pushing them around.
Parents got together and came up with a carpool arrangement, then invited one of the Hand in Hand trainers for an education night to learn about Parenting by Connection tools. Some families started doing Special Time and Staylistening at home.
I sat there thinking how Mother’s Day was an hour away, I would be getting up at 7 and driving to South San Francisco with my daughter and right now I am probably the absolute LAST person she wants to be with. Sigh. A Mother’s Day to look forward to.
Has your child ever lashed out and hurt someone? Has another aggressive child ever bothered him?
A few days later I noticed there had been no aggressive behavior since the day of the big cry.
I have found it is a great benefit to have a phone listening time right after the children have gone to sleep. This is the worst time of my “bad days” when I am exhausted, tight and furious.
Given the morning conversation, I kept telling her that both mummy and daddy love her, that she was safe and that we would both continue to look after her.
Whenever I caught a break from his rigorous brushing, I begged, “no more!” in vain. He would put more rigor into his brushing laughing and really enjoying this role reversal.
All in all, it was 8 hours of really hard crying, perspiration, and tears. I could smell his body odor—he worked up a heavy sweat.
I thought, “No, we aren’t going to be able to handle a big upset right now!” so I got her to let him go, and we kept on pillowfighting and wrestling for a long time–10 or 15 minutes.
When your child experiences a traumatic separation, there are simple, practical things you can do to help.
My wife and I also had to process our feelings: it didn’t feel good to hear how painful it was for us to limit her social life in this way. She felt badly, we felt badly.